Category Archives: my personal journey

Journey with Pagan Blog Project….


As you read in the previous post, I’ve fallen way behind in the whole posting realm. I just seemed to feel way to overwhelmed and let some of my ever juggling glass balls drop. Well Im back. Yay!!

I want to say something about my posts and how they relate to Pagan Blog Project. You may notice that some of my posts may not seem like they relate too much to my path, views or religion….BUT they highly correlate to my religious beliefs and beliefs of life in general.

I feel as if you cannot truly seperate religion from everyday life. I have tried for far too long to fit my religion/sprituality into my everyday life, and completely ignored fitting my everyday life into my religion/spirituality. I have found it hard to adapt if I’m not on top of both flows of energy.

So my blogs may seem a bit mundane to some, but trust me….look hard enough and with your heart and you will find the magick within each one.


Balance Imbalanced….


So, I really thought blogging woudl be a great idea. I went out and tried to find things to blog about, even signed up for a blogging project. But, I soon fell off the horse. I got way overwhelmed way too soon. I have my reasons, which I will soon share but not today. I have done a lot of work recently and think Im finally headed in the right direction with things, so here I am, back on the horse and ready for a nice ride.

Choose to Choose


I don’t want to get real political on here….I’m just not a really political person. BUT, I would like to bring to attention a news story I saw this morning that really made me think.

The news story is about an Icelandic girl who has not been able to use her “given” name for 15 years because the name her mother gave her is not “allowed” by Icelandic government. (here is a link you can read about her just winning the right to use her name

Now let’s think about this….her mother chose a name that she thought was beautiful, and apparently has some meaning behind it to her, but she must abide by some gawd-awful LAWS when naming her child?!!! I find this outrageous. Call me naive, but I never realized that “control” was that bad outside of countries like China. Not trying to be stereotypical here, but that is really the only country I can think of off the top of my head that would fit my feelings right now, and that I know to have such strict laws like that. All this mother wants to do is name her child what she feels suits best, but it was not allowed, and for the 15 years this child has been alive she has been called “Girl”. It is so sad to me. But let’s take this in another direction…..

We Americans have a great amount of freedoms, in particular is our right to choose, our freedom of choice. I don’t want to beat around the bush so I’ll get straight to my point. We have so many choices to choose in order to make ourselves a better life; to be happy and joyful; but so many of us aren’t. So many Americans choose to live outside their own real world and wish they had what others do. When will we be satiated? When will we learn to be content with what we have?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t strive to be better people; intellectually; spiritually; emotionally; even materialistically. But when are we going to learn in our NOW generations to stop living outside our means so that we can finally have a future of abundance and not scarcity. I would like to pause here and ask a question….Who just read that and immediately thought I was talking about money, national debt, poor, homeless, empty bank accounts and the like?

If you did, that’s fine because it can be taken that way, but that also means you really aren’t connected to what I’m trying to get in touch with. That would be a perfect example of the thought frame I am petitioning we get out of. We have the freedom of choice to do as we wish, go to college or not go to college; work at Burger King or become an Astro Physicist; be a mother of 6 beautiful girls or a father of 1 insane little boy; we even have the choice to name our children what we wish without the government telling us “No no, it doesn’t fit into our regulations/laws”.

Why then, why do we live in a country where there is so much emotional scarcity? Why do we live in a country where caring for other people and helping them because we learned what the abundance of love is, suddenly becomes a feat greater than climbing Mt Everest? Why do we live in a society where we teach our children to want more, to want what our neighbors have instead of being happy with WHO we are? We have the choice NOT to live this way. We have the choice to live in peace and to help others for the simple fact that it makes your heart sing, but so many of us choose not to. So many choose greedy, stingy, “steel claw” type of lives; they choose scarcity of Love, scarcity of Choice, always saying they have to be like that or it will be taken from them. It is time to live in a society where the idea of scarcity/abundance refers to our spiritual wholeness, or to the oneness and connection to our fellow neighbors; not the money in our pocket. It is time to choose to grow together, not apart. It is time to make……..

Choices. We have freedom to exercise it for positive change…..let’s start.

A is for….. Awakenings


Awakening. What is an Awakening? Is it hard to do? Is it painful? Is it natural?

I would say yes and no to all of the above questions. (from here on out, please note that ALL within this entry is MY OPINION or MY INTERPRETATION this way I don’t have to continually say “my definition” or “my understanding”) My definition of an Awakening is when you have a sudden moment of realization. That immediate A-HA moment when all in the world makes sense; when you understand the workings of the Universe on a more intimate level and internally feel the connection between Us all. It’s that moment when you have reached a different level of consciousness, a level and place where you cannot turn back from. To me, that is an awakening.

Now, I also believe you can have many awakenings throughout your lifetime. A Spiritual Awakening is not quite the same as a Spiritual Enlightenment. An Enlightenment is when one has reached that level of “all knowing” and need not reach any further levels of Awakenings. An Enlightened One would be Buddah-esque in nature; having reached the highest level of enlightenment they can achieve. ALTHOUGH, I do not believe everyone has the same level of enlightenment, nor the same level of Awakenings. I believe that is all based on the energetic capacity that their spiritual self, their Higher Self has been matured too, or can handle. That will be for another discussion. Back to Awakenings….

For any one individual to reach their personal level of enlightenment, they must go through any number of Awakenings. These awakenings can be brought on by just about any action or experience that jolts their internal balance. Some of these Awakenings are like a slap in the face causing such a traumatic rush that they really don’t understand what happened. This could happen by near death experiences, seeing someone else have a near death experience, being a victim of some violent crime (pick one and insert here); but they don’t necessarily need to be harsh and negative. Watching the birth of a child, of any living creature can indeed cause such a reaction in the Self, experiencing a great amount of joy, or as simple as accomplishing some feat you never thought possible THEN being recognized for it. But this way of Awakening, unfortunately, does not always last.

When you are “thrown/pushed” into an awakening, your results are highly unlikely to last because you have not been trained (you as in your Higher Self) in how to maintain this level of awareness. I would like to compare it to Body Building or just plain ol’ weight training. I always heard that the brain/mind is just like any other “muscle” in your body. The more you work out, the stronger it gets; but leave it idle and it will become flabby. Just like a body builder must continue to work out daily to maintain their physique, so does a Spirit Builder need to work out daily to maintain their level of awareness. NOW, I’m not saying that once you reach a certain level and stop using it then it will disappear; no. Again, to the body builders. Even if they do not work out, they will maintain their level of muscle mass, only it will become weaker, softer, less cut and distinct. Their muscles don’t just vanish, but they can become less useful unless they keep them maintained. The conscious and mind is the same when you are talking about Awakenings. If you want to remain in the level of awareness you reached, or better yet, wish to progress; then workouts are a must. Visualizations, meditations, readings, writing, physical activities that will produce the results you are looking for are the kind of workouts that a Spirit Builder will need to be in practice of.

All in all, awakenings can be very difficult to achieve, or they can be dropped in your lap. They can be very painful mentally, emotionally and spiritually; but they can also be very energizing and peaceful. Organic in nature, yes awakenings are completely natural…..they may be induced by outside inhibitors, but even those in some way or another are natural.

If you wish to reach different levels of awakenings, or experience one period, I suggest you do some soul searching. I suggest you work hard at learning to navigate your inner You with what I listed earlier; meditations, visualizations, readings, writing, physical activities (such as yoga, tai-chi etc.). Whether you ever truly reach one or not, you will be working to raise your personal energetic level above the mundane one that holds you captive to this world; you will be developing a newer and better you; and you will definitely be changing your consciousness to be much more open to newer higher energies.

Feel it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Manage it.


As of late I have read so much hoop-lah and lah-di-dah about “be happy”, “let your inner light shine through”; “if you want to be happy change something, if you aren’t and don’t want to be continue what you are doing”.

Well this is a whole lot of bullshit. Yes, BULL SHIT!! I’m sorry, but sometimes there is a need to let things run their course.

If you are unhappy or depressed (feeling blue), then dammit, let it run its course. Don’t fight it like a Matador in a bull fight, you will lose; you will tire and it will overpower you.

NOW!!!!!….hear me on this, not ALL situations are the same. Don’t get me wrong. There are those of us out there who fight depression and unhappiness regularly and it has become a chronic thing for us….im not FULLY talking to you. But even if you are one who falls into this category, hear me out, please.

Depression is not a disease in the manner of viral or bacterial. Depression is a Dis-Ease within the body, between the body and the soul/spirit. (yes yes, there are all those wonderful medical tags and things that go with it. Neuro receptor this, and chemical imbalance that…..but I’m not talking from a medical view point) Depression, unhappiness, or “feeling blue” is not always a pleasant feeling, but neither is it a bad one. What it really can be seen as is a sign, a signal, the way your body communicates with you that there is something wrong, that Spirit is imbalanced and needs some attention. It is only a feeling, a dis-ease within you, a discomfort that you must figure out how to handle without letting it handle you. I’m not talking out of my ass here guys, I’m speaking from experience….I’m speaking from a state of UTTER Dis-EASE at this very moment.

Yes, I do suffer from depression. It affects me quite often and just as differently to you as yours may be to me. My depression/low feelings come in seasons; instigated by situations; by not taking care of me; allowing myself to become too stressed and the like; it is even brought on by some of my past memories and sufferings that I still have not been able to come to terms with. They come and go; and when they are here, boy do they hit me hard. But sitting here trying to fight the feelings is almost nauseating. I would prefer to be “in the moment”. I know I don’t WANT to feel this pain and discomfort, but in order for it to pass I must ride it out. To fight it, to question why?, what?, when?, will do NOTHING to help me get through it. All the questioning and fighting does is make it last longer, prolongs the “episode”.

Honestly, I feel the best way to deal with or handle such episodes is not to question how to stop it, or why am I feeling it….but to question what am I feeling. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Note how you feel, literally. Note what thoughts are present when each of these feelings show up. The best ways to combat Depression/Unhappiness/Feeling Blue/Feeling Down is to understand what triggers it and how you and your body reacts. There is no reason in trying to fight it off with some version of “band-aid in a pill”**. If you need to sleep, then sleep. If you need to cry, then cry. Just understand when you have reached the level of too much, or reached the unhealthy level so that you can figure out what path you want to take to correct this imbalance, whether that be mainstream methods or the more natural, holistic, organic methods.

YES…there is an imbalance when you feel this way; whether it be chemical imbalance in your brain or one in the body period; or whether it is simply an imbalance within your heart and soul. There is an imbalance and the balance needs to be brought back into equilibrium. Find your way of “handling” it or managing the discomfort, but PLEASE DO NOT ignore the episode or act as if there is nothing wrong. This is the worst thing to do. Feel it. Note it. Accept it. Manage it. By ignoring it or trying to suppress the fact that you KNOW you are feeling down is unhealthy. All you are doing is caging a wild animal. One day, one day it will break your barriers, your walls, your cages and it will be ultimately bigger than it would have been had you felt it, noted it, accepted it and managed it when each episode came around.

** I do not advocate that you stop taking or not look into taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pill….they ARE of GREAT use to those who truly need them, and yes…I’ve been on them in my past

Openly Expressive….


I am not a very openly expressive person, but I can be VERY TALKATIVE.

Anyone who truly knows me and has spent any time with me knows I just love to talk.  I can and have talked for hours with friends.  Beginning a good conversation before dinner; keeping it going through dinner; talking through the Sun setting then watching it rise the next morning.  Don’t be too bothered, they did get some talking in as well.

BUT, the catch to this is, I’m not totally openly expressive.   Lemme explain.

I have a very rough, harsh and blunt way of communicating.  I used to just say what was on my mind, or how I feel with no real concern to how it may affect others.  Not to say I was completely oblivious to this, because, well, just telling about it here is witness to my ability to see this possible flaw.

Because of this trait of mine, I’d been told by numerous people that I was hurtful, careless, and thoughtless.

Now, actually, I don’t feel that way.  I’m not responsible for the way you feel.  I’m not responsible for the way you take what I say.  I say it.  But it is you, You who interprets and internalizes it.  It is not my responsibility to constantly ask if you understand, if we are ok, if I hurt you.  It just is not my job…..

But because I know I can be hurtful, harmful and cold in the way I speak, I always find myself being guarded.

It IS NOT my job to make sure you understand or that I didn’t hurt you….yet I find myself constantly checking.  Apologise are a constant from my mouth.  Always worried that I have offended or am being heard correctly, or that I’m not being “too much”; “over the top”; “too obnoxious”.  Always vigilant in masking my TRUE EXPRESSIONS.  I’m so sick of it.

That is who I am.  I am obnoxious.  I am talkative.  I can be crude.  I am blunt and raw-fully honest.

This is not my first attempt at a blog.  Nope, I’ve actually had this blog up for over a year or so.  I had one before this one.  I  went in and deleted all the previous posts from my most recent incarnation of this blog.  Why, because I needed to start fresh for me.

I’ve always been afraid to write.  Scared of what to say.  Scared of not having something TO say.  Scared to offend or put people off.  Scared of pissing someone off.  Its time I stop being afraid.

Those who KNOW me have always said that all these traits I’ve referred to here as a flaw, are some of the most lovable and admirable traits I have.  They always remind me that with all of these “flaws” comes another side.  My bluntness = transparency.  My honesty = trustworthiness.  My candidness and forthrightness = no holds barred attitude.


SO many great things have happened for me in the past year, so many things I wished I would have shared.  But it didn’t.  “Who would want to hear about that?” “Why would anyone even want to know?”……

I don’t really care anymore.  I will express me, the best way I know how, and in the way I do best.  Curse words may come out.  Negative views may be expressed. (heaven forbid anyone have a different view besides the constant rainbow and glitter that is insisted at all times)  I may even get a bit fluffy bunny, or health and organic concerned.

Im like a superball, my ideas and conversations go everywhere, but I will not guard myself and what I have to say anymore.  I will not suppress what I truly mean to say what I feel would be best accepted.

There are a few of you, but those of you who love me for every inch of my flawed and strange self have inspired me to be the person you love for the world.  No longer will I hide in the shadows Enchanted Wolf.  No longer will my bones be sodden with grief of fear Bones.  No longer will I quiet my soul Lillith Craft.  I thank you for loving me as I am.  And for my husband and my children, I will continue to grow and be the better person ever around the corner.  I pray I never find her, for once I do, what then shall I work to become?