Tag Archives: fear

E is for…..Elderly v. Elders

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This entry will be more of my own personal opinion/observation rather than anything “lesson based” or whatever….it may not even be of any true value, but I want to express this nonetheless.

SO, yes, I am quite a bit behind in my entries…Im nowhere near as good at keeping up with these as I thought I would be, but Im hangin in at least. LOL

I think I struggle most because I stress about what the hell to write and all. I look at the screen and my mind goes blank; so blank it’s as if I never read a word in my life and so have no words to share. The Pagan Blog Project I was hoping would help me overcome this horrible writers block I tend to suffer from, but to be honest, the prompts each week are almost more daunting and intimidating than just winging it. It’s so funny, I can sit and “think” a BOOK into existence with great detail, but the second I sit to write my thoughts down they become as intangible as steam from a boiling tea kettle. It gets quite frustrating. The more I TRY to write, the harder it becomes (duh!!) and the more I live in my “dream author” state the more irritable I become. I’ve been stuck for quite some time and had given up (temporarily) on any more entries for now….so it came as some shock when my next blog entry not only popped in my head and wrote itself into existence, but that it SCREAMED at me to get it down on paper….

I was sitting in Logan’s Roadhouse with my daughter on Saturday waiting for our lunch to come. We don’t really get much mommy daughter time just because she’s either playing with her friends or Im “too busy”…..never a good enough reason to not make time for your kids…NEVER. So, anyway, we were having a good day out. I was teaching her how to play rummy with little miniature cards she got from Burger King I don’t know HOW long ago (considering I refuse to eat there anymore), when three people came in a sat down at the table beside us. It was a Gentleman, his Wife and their Mother (don’t know who’s, but they both called he mom). I simply took note and went back to playing cards with my daughter.

It was a few minutes later when they ordered their food that for some reason my attention was turned to them, I think it was something about how the Man teased his Mom about being a “big eater” when all she ordered was a baked potato. The giggle the three shared and the wink he sent to his mom touched me. Then I had this overwhelming need to text my husband and tell him how I was feeling at that very moment…. I felt Love, Admiration, Respect, Honor, Gentility all from observing this couple with their Mother. I told my husband that I hoped we were raising our children in a way that they would love and honor us the same way when we were in that position.

I looked around the restaurant and noticed that over 80% of the patrons were younger generations. There was one elderly couple who walked in before us; the woman slumped over scooting her feet; husband holding her hand tightly to support her while also bearing some of her weight on his feeble thin body. And there was a table of Elderly women sitting together enjoying their lunch and companionship of each other, and maybe one or two other tables. But I began to wonder, where are our Elderly?

On the way home my brain wondered about this observation and the question Elders v. Elderly?, popped into my head. In some circles of our related faiths, I at 32 years of age could be considered an Elder within the community. (I am not nor do I claim to be an Elder either) But, because of my knowledge, my skill, my experience, some may consider me an Elder….and at 32. Why do I put an emphasis on my age when I say this? Because, I feel the terms and respect given to both groups are greatly misjudged, misused and underappreciated.

My definitions: Elderly are the old ones who have lived life and have stories to tell,
experiences to share;
Elders are Wise Ones who have lived life and have lessons to teach, ;

To be an Elder in many religious paths is to be one who holds a “higher” position, or one who has practiced for more thnt a few years. They are one who have become a leader in their community and have gained wisdom with growth and experience. In essence they have done their due time….

These Elders are given great amounts of respect, honor and at times great loyalty. They are listened to, sought out for advice, turned to in matters of “crises” and so on.

Yet, our Elderly are shamed, hidden and locked away as if we as a society fear their deadly disease called Aging.

It is sad to me that those who are considered Elders can, at times, be SO VERY YOUNG. Yes, they may be a powerful young Witch; or have strong leadership skills; or created their own traditions that are thriving and growing by leaps and bounds…..but do they truly deserve to be called Elder? Have they lived the life and racked up the experience points to truly KNOW? I don’t believe so. While we have very wonderfully vivacious, strong leaders who are needed in our communities and in our society, where have they done the work and gained the WISDOM to be considered an Elder? They have not. I have not. I’ve lived a life full of many MANY experiences which have helped me to grow and become more wise everyday. I’ve lived through situations only a few here in our country can relate to; I’ve learned from these experiences; I’ve gained knowledge and skill……but I am not a Wise One who has earned their status as an Elder.

Im not saying all Ederly would be considered Elders either; …..but I do believe our Elderly deserve more love, appreciation and respect. One day, whether we are ever looked to as a Wise One or not, we will all become Elderly and I wish not to be locked away and forgotten as if I had some venereal disease that can be caught by breathing the air I breathe.

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Fighting to be scared, or running from my strength?

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For years I’ve said I want to do this, or I’m going to do that, or that I “plan” on or “am going to” do this that or the other. But I never do. Why? Fear. Fear is always the answer to this endless cycle of great ideas gone DEAD.
What am I afraid of? Success. Failure. Meeting goals. Not meeting goals. Putting myself out there. Being judged. Being liked. Not being liked. Getting my way. Not getting my way. See the pattern here? Get the idea?

My biggest setback really isn’t taking action….because I can take action all day. Ill jump into almost anything or any idea head first. It’s the follow through that is so critically lacking for me. I’ll get started on whatever new adventure I am going on, then, right at the moment when things will waver this way or that is when I give up. My self-confidence folds. My fear and struggle set in. Where I got this nasty little trait I have no idea. All through high school and even younger grades I was hardcore, head down, run things over like a maniac to get them done type of person. I wasn’t the most popular. I wasn’t well liked. But I kept my head in my books, and my eye on my sports and all was alright. Even though it hurt terribly to not be accepted in school, I numbed my feelings and masked my pain by excelling in everything I put my mind to.

As an adult, I am severely lacking in those proponents that made me Me back then. I guess I could place blame on the jerks and asses that were “mean” to me back then or for them tearing me down when what I needed was a pat on the back, or simply a friend. But I just can’t.
I’m an adult now. I’ve been through more trials and tribulations than I want to count. I’ve lived a whole nother life or two since I was in school. So how could I blame my current condition on something that happened to me over 15-20 years ago? I don’t feel I can. I can only blame myself, really. All those trials and tribulations I mentioned; well, I made it through them pretty ok. I’m sitting here writing this entry which would be proof enough for me. I grew from them. I’ve changed over the years. I usually came out on top in a better place and situation than I was in before I walked those shadows of hell.

So, why the continued lack of confidence and fear? I really am not sure. Maybe it’s my insatiable need for perfection. I can be a bit of a perfectionist. Not OCD type, but definitely a perfectionist. If I feel as if it can’t be done to my expectation of “perfect” then I give up. Or, if I fear that my “perfection” won’t meet another’s perfection, I give up. Or if I feel my idea won’t stand up to expectations of the World….you got it….I give up.

The last year or so I’ve worked very hard on changing that, and I have made some HUGE headway. I’m on a great roll now on doing what I want the way I want without “outside” interference. 2012 was a progressive year for me, from beginning to end. My hope is that 2013 is an even MORE PROGRESSIVE year yet and that I continue on this road of …….

                    Fighting off My Fear and Running Toward my Strengths.